I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I believe in your delicious
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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