Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
