so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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