my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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