I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
