Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
