well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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