I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
