Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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