Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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