Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize