I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
