aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
