You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Everything about him screamed your future.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
