Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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