Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
