you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
