I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
