I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
