sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
