We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
