Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
