no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
