She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
