I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
