Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
