Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
