after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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