she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
