Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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