Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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