I accidentally had phone sex last night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This baby is an asshole
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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