i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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