Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
