No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
