You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
