why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
