Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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