I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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