PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize