i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
