I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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