i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Pants are for mortals
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
