I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
