just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
