i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
