he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
