The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
