the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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