dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
