he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
