he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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