so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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