Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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