I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
