Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
