drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
