Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
