shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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