Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
