next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
