my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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