I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize