yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
