I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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