the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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