no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
