I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
