I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
