i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
