All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
