You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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