The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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