Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
